If you’ve ever felt guilty for putting your baby down in their crib, or opened the Tupperware cupboard so your toddler could play while you scrolled on your phone, you’re not alone.

With the pressure to be a present parent, encouraging your kiddo to play by themselves can feel wrong, but independence is an important developmental milestone.

From giving your child stronger motor and sensory skills to encouraging their creativity and imagination, independent play is important for all kids to learn. As they begin to gain more independence, their solo playtime will give you that extra time to recharge and relax.

Ready to learn more? We’ve gathered age-specific tips and expert advice on why your child’s independence is good for both of you. Plus, how to give yourself permission to rest for goodness’ sake.

No guilt necessary

Parental guilt is normal, but when it comes to your child’s solo playtime, there is no guilt necessary.

Christopher Mannino, parenting coach and author, says the key is to remember that having them play by themselves is educational. “Don’t let that guilt get to you. You are giving them a skill that they need and are setting them up long term for independence and success,” says Mannino. “Whether your child is a baby, toddler or preschooler, engaging in solo playtime will help them imagine and create entertainment by themselves.”

Your child’s independence is a gift and a major milestone, not a failure of your parenting skills.

Jennifer Kolari, child and family therapist and founder of Connected Parenting, has a similar approach: “One way to think about it is you’re helping them build a full brain with all the neural pathways that it needs to self-soothe and feel secure enough to not need you every minute of the day.”

Babies can play independently, too

For babies, independent play might look like stacking baby blocks, playing with stuffed animals, or simply gazing at a mobile while lying in their crib—anything that involves them playing on their own while you are nearby.

Although easier said than done, it’s okay to not hover over your baby at all times. Babies and toddlers need to have a space where they can safely explore their independence. Caitlin Slavens, a registered psychologist and co-founder of Couples to Cradles and Mama Psychologists, says you can supervise independence without hovering over your baby.

“When we constantly hover, narrate and throw different toys in front of our babies, we can disrupt their natural curiosity,” says Slavens. “Set up a safe space where they can explore freely or have a play mat with some simple toys. We don’t have to constantly give them things to feed their brain development. That is something that they often do on their own, just through that natural curiosity.”

“When babies come into the world, everything is novel, and they’re curious about so much. Developing that independent play really helps them learn how to entertain themselves, how to be patient, and even how to regulate their emotions,” adds Slavens.

If you need ideas for some go-to baby-safe solo play setups, here are a few to consider:

• Set up a playpen with toys for your baby to engage with.
• Have your baby lie in their crib with dolls or stuffed animals within reach.
• Use a tummy time mat for your baby to safely explore their surroundings.
• Have your baby interact with a baby gym.

Preschoolers are ready to lead their own play

From creativity to problem-solving and confidence, there are so many benefits to independent play at the preschool stage.

“When my kids were little, we would buy them toys, and sometimes they would just play with the box. Kids have amazing imaginations. Parents need to trust that their kids come into this world built to understand and explore the world through play,” says Kolari. “They can zoom into a game, time disappears, they’re on an island. Some slip right into that imaginary world really easily.”

Encourage your preschooler to engage with imaginative play by giving them open-ended toys, such as building blocks or quiet-time boxes. Mannino’s method emphasizes creating a supportive environment.

“It really helps to have toys that are nonspecific, such as a box of toy blocks or wooden cubes, because it allows your kid to imagine what they are and what they can do with them,” says Mannino.

When your preschooler is playing on their own, Kolari says to take a step back and let them figure it out.

“Don’t hover with the Play-Doh. Kids need to learn how to do, how to tolerate, and find ways to figure out how they can amuse themselves without you,” says Kolari.

Here are some ideas to boost your child’s independence:

• Visual schedules: Use pictures to outline your child’s daily schedule so they can visualize solo playtime.
• Choice boards: Give your child a choice between two solo activities to get them excited about play.
• Quiet time in their room: Play calm music or give your child a book to flip through during quiet time.

Independence is learned, not expected

Emphasizing progress over perfection in your baby’s solo playtime journey is the goal. You are your baby’s partner in growth and development, not their full-time, on-demand entertainers.

“I like to phrase it as a skill that we need to teach our kids from when they’re babies. Anything that you need to learn takes practice,” says Slavens. “Our society gives moms this pressure that we need to entertain our kids from sunup to sundown. But that isn’t facilitating any creativity, any kind of independent thought, or any creative thinking.”

Slavens says that the earlier parents start by not constantly entertaining their children, the more creative their kids will be in their independence. “Kids need to be bored. That is a normal feeling, and that’s where that creativity kicks in. Reframe independence to be positive for child development,” she says.

___

Article source: Today’s Parent

Discovery Point Nursery and Academy is a daycare in Woodbridge, Vaughan, Ontario